The Thing Hollywood Forgot to Tell Us About Love

February 9, 2017

When I was 19 I prayed for God to send someone to love me in a way that could make me believe in His love for me. To send somebody to make love seem tangible and true to this broken girl. And he did.
I met my husband a few days later. 

One day, when our relationship was new, after a fight that was mostly my fault, I turned to my husband-to-be with tears in my eyes and said "how can you love me?" and without skipping a beat he responded "Because I've chosen to love you."

Least. Romantic. Answer. Ever. Or so I thought.

I wanted him to tell me that I made his world spin. That I was beautiful and funny and that I completed him. I wanted a scene from a romantic comedy complete with the big kiss under a majestic tree.  I wanted him to love me because he couldn't help himself.

But 11 years later, can I tell you? He gave me the most romantic answer possible that day.

Because if love was a feeling, his feelings for me could change. If love was something we fell into it would be something we can fall out of. If love was a force that pushed and pulled us into passion against our will like it is in the movies, honestly, we probably wouldn't be married today.

Love as a feeling is terrifying. It's the opposite of safety and security. It's finicky, uncertain.  But love as a choice? That is freeing. It's powerful.  It accepts us where we are at and brings out the best in us.

My husband chose to love me. And I chose to love him back. He's the answer to that prayer I prayed,   loving me as Christ loves the church. Not because I have it all together or always act right or say the right things, but because he has chosen to love me forever, and I him.

Love is putting the other person above yourself. It's laying your life down for the other person in a million little (and sometimes big) ways. It's wanting their happiness and wellness more than your own. It's sacrifice, it's work, it's action.

Love is getting out of bed first to brew the coffee for your spouse (which he does almost every morning.) It's picking up the socks he left on the floor without complaining about it (I'm getting better at that).  It's being a good father to our children, or cooking rice and beans together so that we can pay the electricity bill on time.  It's laughing and weeping through life's twists and turns together.  It's forgiving, a lot.  Love is the small and big choices we make every day. These are not things we do because we love, these things are love.

Love is not warm feelings and grand gestures, although sometimes it will be.  Love is daily putting one foot in front of the other to walk through this difficult life with another human being.  Love is work, a sacred and beautiful and worthwhile work.

May we do the hard, sacred work of loving, and being loved, today.


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2 comments

  1. My husband said the same thing! And you are right, it's freeing!
    On a different note, I used to make your fajita seasoning mix, but I never saved the recipe and last week we used up the last remainder of premixed seasoning. Could you possibly post it again? We love it! Only if you have time otherwise I'll try one of the mixes I found online, we just know we love yours... :-D

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    1. FOUND IT!! Sorry, wasn't aware the old blog was still up! :-D I'll be in the kitchen mixing up some new mix... Thanks again for posting it!

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