A Hundred Million Things Other than Fat

August 10, 2015

I am plus sized, heavy, overweight. I am a fat girl. I am 80 pounds over my suggested weight range, and within a few pounds of the heaviest I've ever been. You know what else I am?

I am a girl who can make you laugh. 
And a girl who can laugh at herself.
I am a girl who will help you move,
Who is pretty much always available for a friend In need.

I am a girl who loves all things coffee and christmas and caramel,
Documentaries and poetry,
Colour, contrast,
And clean simple lines.

I am a good mother,
A mediocre daughter,
A bad liar,
A wife.
A truth teller, 
Who sometimes lies to herself.

I can write,
Sew, crochet and bake,
Refinish furniture,
Operate power tools,
fold a fitted sheet,
Make a kick ass lasagne.
I have a powerful right hook.

I wear what I want, 
Leggings, large prints, horizontal strips,
Tattoos and piercings, 
And I rock them with confidence, 
some of the time. 

I am a bubbly introvert.
I wear my heart on my sleeve,
feel emotion intensely,
cry at the drop of a hat, 
and surprise myself with how well I respond in a crisis. 

I throw great parties, 
Invite too many people,
obsess over the wrong details,
leave things to the last minute.
But it works out anyways.

I change my mind. A lot. 

I am a Christian, 
A minimalist,
Probably a pacifist.
Maybe a socialist, 
Definitely not a republican.
I can quote scripture and poetry and Kurt Cobain's suicide letter.

I am awkward, and okay with it.
I laugh at my own jokes,
fall up stairs,
and sometimes spit when I talk. 

I give great hugs. 

I am a missionary,
An activist in a thousand tiny ways, 
I am a sister, an aunt, 
An avid reader, and a bible college drop out.

I am a sexual assault survivor,
A feminist,
A recovering drug addict.

I like to smoke cigars on the porch on summer evenings. 
And dine with great friends and good wine,
And swim alone at night.

I talk when I'm nervous,
stand firm when I'm afraid, 
love fiercely when it hurts.
I am regularly a contradiction,
still figuring things out.
But I know this:

I am a hundred million things other than fat. 

You and I, my friend? We are hundred million things.  And what we see in the mirror is the least interesting of them all. 



Will you take a moment to follow me on facebook, twitter, or instagram? And thank you for reading my words, I'm honoured.

30 comments

  1. What a beautiful person (inside and out) you must be. Thank you for starting to post again. I missed your thoughts! We have so little and so much in common. :) I made your double chocolate cookies for my family this past weekend, and they did feel truly blessed. I hope you have a wonderful day!

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  2. loved loved loved this. I smiled and caught myself tearing up . While reading the many views of you, I slowly forgot the first one and I though that was a gift.

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  3. Wow.....absolutely Wow! And what made the poem even better was having followed you for a while I've seen most of these things about you. Thanks for this. Puts things into perspective for myself.

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  4. Preach.

    And- like Shawn said- good to hear your voice again.

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  5. lovely to hear your words again!!! been wondering how you are doing. :)

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  6. My freshman year of college, I gained a hefty amount of weight (haha puns) and people would always ask me what I was doing to lose it. They asked that before asking what my major was or if I liked my roommate. They get more excited over me mentioning how I lost ten pounds than when I say I have a 3.8 overall GPA. Being fat is not a negative thing and it's not the only thing I am. Positively love your post. Thanks for being so vocal about a topic close to my heart.

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  7. This is so amazing and beautiful and I so wish I could just take an afternoon and have coffee with you.

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  8. You are amazing and this poem is amazing! Fabulous! I have followed for a while and never commented, but I had to comment after reading this post. It's very near my heart. Enjoying your posts again!

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  9. I think you'd make a great friend....interesting and honest....what a better combination.

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  10. Kelly, I love this post! I got to the lasagne, and thought, oh my word, this is about ME!!

    Such a great post :)

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  11. Kelly, I love this post! I got to the lasagne, and thought, oh my word, this is about ME!!

    Such a great post :)

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  12. Kelly, I love this post! I got to the lasagne, and thought, oh my word, this is about ME!!

    Such a great post :)

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  13. Nice to be reminded that we are so much more than what society would make of us. Thanks, I really needed that.

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  14. I'm really not 'Anonymous' ~ just couldn't remember my password for Google and nothing else seemed to fit.
    My name is Donna. I find your site really refreshing, Kelly. I love your poem and God smacked me (lovingly) on the cheek for letting so much of it run my 76 years. I pray that all the younger people writing to you won't let those things keep them from living to the fullness He has planned to them.
    Don't get on here as much as I use to but will check in on you now and then to see if everyone is behaving ~ ~ ~ or I need a laugh. : } God Bless!

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  15. A new way to look at myself in the mirror! Thanks for the reminder Kelly :)

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  16. You're insightful, you truly try to align your actions with your values, and are raw-ly honest with yourself and others. All superb qualities.
    Ps this week I prayed for you with a smile on my face bc i was switching out seasonal decor and was quoting you " what would Ma Ingalls do?" Just trying to keep decor natural and simply elegant and no 3rd world made stuff. Gail

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  17. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  18. You're an amazing person. I'm so glad you started writting again I missed your blog posts :)

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  19. Wonderful! Thanks for the reminder Kelly

    http://www.housecleaning-services.co.uk/

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  20. Kelly, you are precious. Always an inspiration. Bless your beautiful heart.

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  21. I love this. Thank you.

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  22. its hard to remember sometimes what one is worth with society putting such a great importance on being skinny, pretty, and unrealistic. i myself am over weight and have struggled with being healthy and thin. Now that I am a mother of a daughter it has become even more apparent to me that my daughter will one day feel the shame that comes with being over weight and most likely the shame that comes with not bouncing back to her pre pregnancy weight and get stretch marks. all very normal things that most woman experience. my point is, i am thankful for woman like yourself that can see your self worth and announce it publicly. i know its easier said than done but we as woman need to be the example we want for our children and not give into what society wants us to be.

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  23. I miss your posts, Kelly. Come back.

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  24. I miss your posts, Kelly. Come back.

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  25. I miss them, too. I hope you and your dear family are all ok. I went back and a bunch of your old posts and was touched and inspired all over again. Thank you. Tina

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  26. I know I'm WAY behind on commenting, but Kelly, I love you! I've been a fan of your blogs since The Year of Less, and you continue to inspire me. I too am a survivor, a lover of God, and a whole bunch of other broken and badass things too. Knowing that people like you are out there gives me hope and reminds me that there is good in this world. Stay fierce, my sister!

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  27. Thank you for writing this! I'm about 50 pounds over weight, and rather stuck there despite working out often and cooking healthful meals (well, most of the time, LOL)
    It doesn't help that I'm also under-tall so my girth is magnified my my lack of height. I've been fussing over it lately and today, the Lord led me here to this exact page, so that this post could bless me as I'm sure it's done for many others. I immediately shared it to my Facebook page so that other people could be blessed by it. Thank you so much for your honest and humble (and oh-so-refreshing) words!
    Blessings,
    Kristy

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